A Poem

The Chilis are in Florida, they asked me to go.

With one weeks notice I had to say no.

There was work to be done and papers to write.

Sometimes being a responsible grown up takes all of my might.

The Mrs. posts pictures, they are all in their shorts and tees.

While lounging on the beach I wonder if they encountered any fleas. 

When my sister is home I can go for weeks without talking.

When either of us are away I call or text so much it borders on stalking. 

I told her this morning that more snow was coming our way.

That bitch said “to bad, we might have to stay!”

My sister hates winter, she thinks it’s a drag.

While she is in Florida she should go to Key West and visit a fag!*

I am writing this dumb poem because I miss them and I want them to know that.

Even though they left me at home, I think they are phat.

This is the end of my poem, I have homework to do.

I wish I were in Florida with my family, but at least I don’t have the flu. 

 

*Please note that since I am a queer kid I am allowed to say fag or any other word or phrase that might be considered offensive to the GLBT community or their allies. It even says so in the book So You’re A Queer Kid, Now What? on page 324.** Also, on page 350 it says that breeders (straight people, even those without children) may be allowed to use such terminology as long as it is sanctioned by a queer kid. For example, my breeder friends are allowed to say “that’s gay!” when they are referring to something they think is ridiculous. If you are a breeder who is looking to use such terminology, I would be happy to grant you permission as long as you are not a homophobic jerk. 

 

** To my knowledge, there is no book. I just made that shit up.

Guess What I Am Doing Right Now

 

 I am watching baseball! So far my guy Wake has given up 3 in the second, and the infield looks like a bunch of 6 year old T ball players, but so what, I AM WATCHING BASEBALL!

 

Photo Credit

A Week In Review

I took Punkin and Beaner roller skating on Monday.

 By the time we got there and got our skates on, they just started to do the hokey-pokey. The girls decided not to participate, but watched from the side while loving each other. I love it when they do that.

 They both did very well, but they are both very stiff when they skate. I encouraged them to loosen up a bit, they encouraged me to shut the hell up. Also, Bean reprimanded me for breaking a rule. 

 I have noticed that my iphone takes craptastic pictures. Hopefully Apple will work that out soon.

 I got new glasses this week. SLM1 was going to go with me to pick out a pair last week but I had to cancel because I was stuck at work so the Room-Mate went with me on Sunday. I found a pair I liked and so far, everyone seems to think they suit me. 

 I almost got rear-ended by a oil truck yesterday. I was stopped at a red light, I hear screeching tires, and I look in my mirror to see a shiny Mack truck grill about a foot away. Yikes.

 Today I went to one of our programs to visit one of my clients. While I was there I talked with a co-workers client too because, well, you know. On the way out, I was walking to my car and some lady was walking to her car. When we got to our  cars, we both realized at the same time that we were at the wrong cars. What are the chances of that?

 After that I went to the mall to return some stuff and then to Target to get some more stuff. On the way in I thought that it was getting cold so when I got back to my car, I was going to put my coat back on.

Wait.

My coat?

Why don’t I have my coat on now? I mean, it’s nice enough not to wear it, but I had it on didn’t I?

Damn! I left my coat at the program!

 I called them, they put it away for me. 

 Tomorrow should be a low key day. I’ll see a client, do some paperwork, have lunch, do more paperwork, then go to the bosses office to put my feet on his desk (btw,TBD, I have no idea if he fucks a lot and I don’t want to know!)and turn in my time sheet. This weekend I am doing some school work and maybe hanging with some peeps. Also, maybe the Chili’s can come down and have lunch with me on Sunday?

You?

Why I Like My Boss

Why I Like My Boss

Originally uploaded by auntiechili

His feet are on his desk on the left, mine on the right. We both
have jeans on. Neither of us are supposed wear jeans.
I also like him because he says "fuck" a lot.

Checking In

 I am finding it rather difficult to blog lately. I am busy with work and school. My school program does not require us to take tests, instead we write papers to demonstrate that we have learned what we have been taught. As a consequence, we write a lot. By the time I am done writing my papers I don’t have the energy to write blog posts.

 I hope you understand.

 Anyway, here is a brief glimpse into my life lately;

•  I took this photo on Wednesday. I love how 57 degrees feels so nice after months of freezing weather. I took my coat off at 10 am and didn’t put it on for the rest of the day. Sweet relief. According to my client who works at a coffee shop, ice coffee sales shot up on Wednesday. I drink ice coffee no matter what the temperature is because I am a true New Englander. The rest are slackers.
•  Wednesday was a really good day for me work wise, I ended up getting my client the deal of a lifetime. She has been “on the run” for the last two weeks but I know where she is. I talked to her probation officer and asked her what she wanted to do with the client.

 “I am asking for a split.” She said. 

 What that means is she does half of her time in jail and then she would be released to a program. I knew the kid had at least a year hanging over her and I felt like that was a craptastic deal. I didn’t say so with words but the expression on my face must have made it very clear.

“You don’t like that do you?

“Not one bit.”

“OK. If she turns herself in within the week she  I will place her as soon as possible.”

 Usually she makes them stay in jail for a month. The best I ever got was two weeks. 

“Can you place her by Friday?”

“Auntie, she has to be held until the next session of drug court.”

“Fine, I’ll let her know.”

“If she doesn’t turn herself in within the week then the deal is off and she does the split.”

 So I go and see the kid and tell her the deal. Turns out that she has three years hanging over her. She said she is willing to take the deal but she was apprehensive of it. I told her that she had two choices; she can do less than six days in jail or a year and a half. Kind of a no brainer. I really hope she is still willing when I go to pick her up this afternoon.

 

•  Pitchers and catchers reported yesterday!!! I can’t wait for the season to begin. I actually want to go down and see a spring training game with Mr. Chili but the flights are kinda pricey. I need to talk to him and see what he thinks. 
•  Bean asked me to take her roller skating and I need to get on that. The roller place doesn’t have a web site so I have no idea when they are open. I would really love to take her Monday…
•  Our professor was supposed to email us some assignments on Monday. On Tuesday we got an email that said she was having computer issues and she would try to get them out by Wednesday. Me being the smart ass that I am, emailed her this reply;

 “Your computer ate our homework?! That’s funny!”

  She replied that it was funny but she wasn’t laughing. We still have not gotten our assignments.  

•  This weekend I am going to do laundry, (hopefully) getting my hair did, homework, dinner/ see Rock Star sing with the peeps, and more homework.

 What are you doing?

Photo credit

It’s What I Would Do If I Had A Crystal Ball

Oh my effing head I could not stop laughing when I saw this! A good minute after it was over I called Chili to ask her if she had seen it. I was still laughing when she answered and she said she thought I was crying. I was crying but the good kind, the laughing induced kind. The kind of laughing that gives your stomach muscles a work out. The kind that makes other people laugh because you are laughing so hard. See for yourself.