She’s Going To Be A Great Mom

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This Is How We Roll

 TG and I are babysitting Little Boss this weekend. Little Boss came with toys. TG was familiar with one of them. Observe; Wait! Chili! Make sure you don’t have Ovaltine in your mouth when you watch! Okay, here goes;

 Sorry about my unsteady hand. I couldn’t stop laughing. And further testing shows that it will say the “C” word. Also, for the record, the kid was in bed fast asleep.

Lesbian Take Two

Please disregard my previous post.

If you have some time to kill, this one is pretty funny too. I call The Girl Luv Muffin but I don’t mean it that way.

She’s A Lesbian

 A FB friend sent me this yesterday. Thought I would share.

Ten

1. The wedding plans are coming along nicely and everything is falling into place. We decided on the venue on Saturday. A woman I work with offered up her house on a local island for cheap money. Her home is beautiful and the views are great. There is tons of deck space and we are setting things up so that everyone will be able to see the ceremony.
2. The above-mentioned woman is a single mom of three, all of which are in college. Ugh. As a result, she has a roommate to help with the bills. He is a chef. Can you take it? What are the chances of that?! As you may recall, we are having a morning ceremony with breakfast. Chef Dude launches into his resume and after listing off the fancy places he has worked, I had to stop him. I explained that I wanted greasy home fries with onions and asked him if he could do that. He said he could then started talking about the fruit and asked about how we wanted it presented. I told him a bowl would be fine. His face dropped a bit and he asked if he could hollow out a watermelon and do something nice with it. I was about to tell him not to worry about it but then I realized I was stifling his creativity. Then he started on the eggs. I explained that I want greasy home fries, maple bacon, plain eggs, and good coffee. Whatever he wants to do above that is totally up to him. We further insulted him by telling him he could get pastry from B.J’s if he wanted. He said he knows people and will get us really nice pastry. Whatever but don’t forget to put onions in my home fries.
3. We are just simple people and do not need any extravagant stuff. In fact, I think we are going with bamboo plates and cutlery, which can be composted. I was hoping O’mama or my friend Lime Green will take it. We try to be kind to the earth.
4. I think I asked Chili to make the cake. If not, Chili? Will you make the cake? Maybe two or three. One the chocolate one I love and two of your choosing? Pretty please?
5. Also Chili, may we use your Cambridge Soundworks speakers with the subwoofer? The music will be provided by my Itunes library run wirelessly via my Iphone. If not, I’ll be heading to the Bose store and will have no hard feelings about it.
6. There is a ton more wedding stuff but I won’t gag you anymore.

      7.  

My Knee. So sad.

 

   Did you know I fractured my own leg? Yup, it’s true. Apparently, it is not a good idea for someone who hasn’t ran since high school to run 120 miles in 6 weeks. My bad. I started PT today and hope to be back at the gym by this time next month.   

    8. I am once again facing unemployment. The grant that funds my program ends in June and we haven’t heard if we will be re-funded. I feel like it’s time to move on from the agency anyway so I am not that bummed. 

    9. I got an email two weeks ago stating that I had not been accepted into Grad school and that my application was incomplete. Turns out they sent me the email in error. How do I know that? I called to plead with them to put me on the waiting list. The nice lady told me that the program I was applying for was still accepting applications and that the received everything they needed. If I could have jumped for joy, I would have. I should know by next week. Keep me in your thoughts, would ya? 

    10. iliketodothistopissmysisterbciamthelittlesisteranditismyjobtobeapunkassjerkilovehertho.

Dear Moms

 I hope you don’t get any of this today;

 Happy Mothers Day!

Thought For Thursday

Happy Fill In The Blank

 Today is a big day in these parts. Not only is the weather amazing but it is also..

Easter

 MST’s Birthday

 And Opening Day!!!!!!!!!

 Happy, happy, happy!

Photo credit: Easter, Birthday, Opening Day

We Can’t All Be Wrong

   My trip to the doctor yesterday did not go as well as I had hoped. I got in there, took off my shoes and got on the scale.  137.

   I immediately told the nurse that the scale was wrong.

 She brings me in the room and begins taking my blood pressure. I tell her that I have been exercising and eating better. I tell her that according to my calculations I weigh 132. She tells me that I have gained two pounds since my last visit in November but please, please don’t get frustrated and stop exercising. I tell her that I enjoy going to the gym and I have no plans to stop. She then tells me that everyone says the scale is wrong.

 Well what the fuck lady! If we all say the same thing, don’t ya think it might be a good idea to get your stupid scale checked?

 When the doctor comes in, I tell him all about his broken scale. He tells me it’s a $600 scale. I tell him that you don’t always get what you pay for and to get that thing calibrated.

 I tell him all about my diet and exercise. I tell him that I am sure I am losing weight. I tell him that I would have bet money that my weight gain was due to my Hashimoto’s disease and that my Thyroid was off. He tells me that my Thyroid levels were fine.

 Well if I am doing what I need to do, and my levels are fine, what could the common denominator be?

 How about your broken scale, asshole.

 You know what he says then? He suggests that maybe it’s muscle mass. I think he is in cahoots with my enabling sister.

  I tell him that prior to last year, my normal range was between 122 and 127. I tell him that so far, I have only been doing cardio so his muscle mass theory is out. He tells me he wants to see me again in three months and that he wants more blood work. He then gets up, sticks his head out the door and yells down the hall that I am coming back in three months, could someone make sure the scale is fixed by then?

 That’s what I thought!

 All the blood work is Hashimoto’s related. Clearly he is not convinced that my last tests were accurate. I still think it’s his scale.

The Trouble With Sports Bras

I had a conversation with Chili in January of last year. I told her that I had gained five pounds and that I though it was due to all the shoveling I had been doing because you know, muscle weighs more than fat.

My sister usually can see right through my shenanigans but this time, she went along with it.

At my physical last November, the doctor added five more. The nerve! In addition, my cholesterol was up a bit. The good kind was good but still he said I needed to be proactive. I was sure it was my Thyroid that was causing the weight gain.

Not. So. Much.

I was told to lose three pounds in three months and come on back to see him. Since I did NOTHING (except drink one mocha latte a week instead of one or two a DAY. I thought for sure the pounds would just go away…) to lose the weight, I rescheduled last months appointment for this week so I had some time to drop a few pounds.

Don't even talk to me about incline!

When I joined the gym in February, I had put on two more pounds. According to the condescending bitch on WII Fit, my BMI is still normal so things are not so bad. Ask my pants and they will tell you a different story.

So away I go at the gym. The first two weeks were hell but I pushed on. Now I look forward to going and I really enjoy it. Today I ran four miles in 43 minutes. Last week I could only run just over three. Unfortunately my right foot is killing me now which pisses me off because I only have two days left to lose the weight. Ugh! So far I have lost four but since the doc wanted three and I gained two extra I’m still off the mark. WTF!

Do you go the gym? Can you tell me why people try to talk to me while I am running with earphones in? Also, I am wondering why when there are only three people on the twenty or so treadmills, people have to take the one right next to me. And FYI lady, coming to the gym to flirt with the dude that works there really doesn’t count as “going to the gym”. Ask for his number and cancel your membership because you are wasting your money.

In addition to the exercise, I have been eating better. I eat a banana (kizz loves banana’s!) and a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast. I never ate breakfast but I am told that it is good for my metabolism. I also am eating lunch every day now. Before working out I could care less about eating. In fact it aggravated me because it meant that I had to stop what I was doing to eat. Now I look forward to eating.

In other news, because I bet you don’t give a shit about my increased girth, T.G. is still out of work. In fact, the new workman’s comp case manager said they didn’t expect her back until the first of May. T.G. didn’t take that so well and is convinced she will be back next week. Not for nothing but she has been saying that since the day of her fall. She is an optimist and I just let her go on thinking whatever she needs to make herself feel better.

In other, other news, Two Blue Day has new digs. Check him out at Dreamtime.

Oh, and the trouble with sports bras is that for them to be effective, they need to be tight. When they are tight, it is really hard to breath . It’s tough to be me.

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