1 07 2009

I’m back already! Here are some pictures I have taken in the last month or so;

Another Punkin plate

Another Punkin plate

"If it's in stock, we have it"??? That's fucking dumb.

"If it's in stock, we have it"??? That's fucking dumb.

I'll take my dinner to go

I'll take my dinner to go

MST has the best shirts;

Too Many Dicks On The Dance Floor

Too Many Dicks On The Dance Floor



This last picture has a story. This story is called “Another Reason Why I Love My Girlfriend.”

We decided to buy a LCD TV. I have wanted one for a very long time, I asked her about it and she was all about it. So we go to Best Buy and talked with the dude (who worked for the cable company, not Best Buy) who helped us pick out the right TV for us. He did not try to sell us something we didn’t need or want. In fact, he saved us a couple of hundred bucks by talking me OUT of something. So, away he goes to get our TV. He came back empty handed and tells us it’s out of stock but goes on to say that they have one that has been returned, a “open box” as they call it.  I am skeptical, to say the least. I ask the guy if I can have a look at it, because you know, I am a TV expert and I will be able to tell if there is anything wrong with it by a simple visual inspection. He opens the box, pulls the TV out and tells me that it still has it’s full warranty.

We’ll take it!

The Girl pays for the TV with her card and roll the thing out the car. While walking through the parking lot, I said to The Girl;

“Did we just pay $209 for this TV?”

“I think so. Yes, we did.” While checking the receipt.

“We gotta go back in there.”

“Yes we do!”

Here is the breakdown; The original price was $699. It was on sale for $599. Because we got the “open box” the price was $490 for a total savings of $209. The kid at the register rang us in at the SAVINGS price.

We go back in, explain to the lady what happened who, because she can’t believe we came back, calls the manager to ask him or her if  “there is anything we can do for them because they came back”. They took another $100 off! On top of that we got a rebate from the cable company! Total price for our 37 inch LCD TV: $350.

My girl not hesitating to do the right thing: Priceless.

Hence, the title of my story.

You thought I chose the title because she let me get the TV, didn’t ya?

I can read the score without my glasses on!

I can read the score without my glasses on!

I would like to thank Auntie Teacher for lending me her TV for all these years. I would also like to add that this picture was taken today.

Mr. Chili was at this game!

The Sox won in a extra innings thriller! Unlike last nights game where they blew a 9 run lead and ended up losing 11-10.

The End.

Where Do I Begin?

1 07 2009

I have been gone from this space for a long time. Sorry about that. The thing is, with all the school work, I don’t feel much like writing anything extra. My course work for my current class is light so I took some time off from both it and this space. Class resumes in two weeks and my plan is to bang out all the work by this weekend. I’m off from work until Monday, although not by choice. I’ll explain later. So, if you care to know, here is what I have been up to in the last month;

  • P-town was awesome. No lie, it is the first time that there has been no drama among my peeps. Probably because I am no longer friends with the dramatic people.
  • My current class, Applied Group Dynamics, is not what I expected but interesting.  We have a team project due for the next weekend. We have a theme which we have to research but we are NOT allowed to discuss until the day it is due. My team members freaked out a bit by this. I think it is brilliant! The teacher is forcing us to figure out how to work as a team in a very short amount of time. It’s going to be fun!
  • The Girl and I are getting along exceeding well. Dispite the stress in our life with our jobs and our education and the (sometimes) not so great behavior that goes along with said stress, we manage to have great communication and a TON of fun.

I was telling SLM2 about how great it was going and informed her that I was planning on asking her (The Girl, not SLM2) to move in with me in August. SLM2 asked why August to which I stated that August would be 5 months for us and although I planned on waiting longer to ask her, I figured 5 would due. My friend then said; ” Do you think you are ready to live with her now?”

“Without a doubt!”

“Then why are you waiting until August?”

“It’s the principle of it. I always rush into things and it doesn’t work out.”

“You have already waiting longer than you have in the past! Principle! Your waiting on principle but you’re ready to live with her now! Jesus Christ, ask the woman to move in with you already!”

“You know what man? You’re right! I’m going to ask her!”

“It’s about fucking time!”

  • To be sure, I decided to run it by someone I knew would ask me questions that maybe I hadn’t thought through. I called Chili, she was unable to take my call. Drastic times call for drastic measures so I called Mr. Chili. Mr. Chili is a researcher. God love him, but it takes him FOREVER to make  decisions. He needs to know every detail, compare, and sit with the facts before he makes a move. Usually this applies to major purchases like cars and TV’s but he ALWAYS ways the pro’s and cons of a thing before making a decision. As a result, I trust him with big decisions and although I don’t call him for help often, I know without a doubt he will always point me in the right direction. So, I call him up, tell him where I’m at with The Girl and what I’m thinking. He suggested that I spend 5 full days in a row with her first and see how that goes. I tell him we have already done that, went great. He takes that in then says; “You know Auntie, you haven’t lived with a partner for a long time. You are set in your ways and she’s going to do things that may bug you but you’re going to have to learn to bend.” I told him I understood that and I feel like we both were doing a great job of meeting in the middle. I then told him a story that  The Girl asked me not to share on this space (I don’t know why, it’s a wicked fucking funny story that involves veggies) to prove that I am much more easy going than I used to be. His response? “Do it! You love each other and are happy. There’s no reason to wait.” When it comes to love, Mr. Chili is all business.
  • I asked The Girl to move in, she said yes.
  • Work, school, and moving = more stress. All things considered, we did a great job and had a reasonably smooth move. (Smooth move. That just made me chuckle!) We make a great team, me and The Girl!
  • I would like to take a moment to give  a HUGE shout out to her bro-in-law. He very happily loaded her couch into his big SUV, sat in traffic for about an hour, and lugged the thing up the stairs with me .  The whole thing took MUCH longer than it should have. I asked him if his wife was going to be upset. He said no and just as he did, she called. Not 3 seconds later, The Girl called me. After we hung up with our respected women he said; “Do you think they planned that?”  He stuck around for pizza (which he wouldn’t let me buy), beer, and conversation. I am profoundly grateful for his help and  I thoroughly enjoyed his company.
  • As you may remember, the grant ran out for the program for which I worked. Although I had many job offers, none were panning out for one reason or another. I was, although I know that I will always be ok, getting very worried. Yesterday was my last day and I still had no job secured. My phone rings at 10, I am told to make some calls, I interview at 9:30 this morning and I get the job. I’ll spare you the details but I will say that between the hours of (I think) 5pm on Monday and 10am on Tuesday a series of events took place that resulted in a position being open. My new boss told me today that she asked “everyone I could” about me and all the feedback she got was good. Officially, I was unemployed for 2.5 hours. Although the company already paid out all my earned time off, I do not have to start from scratch. I can tell already I am going to enjoy working for my new boss. She appears to be very smart, no nonsense, extremely good to her employees, and willing to teach me anything and everything I want to learn about the job. So, I am now a Comprehensive Risk Counselor. Basically what I will be doing is HIV education and prevention to at risk women. The new Boss told me she doesn’t expect me to have clients for a bit and she would give me plenty of time to recruit the ten she wants me to have. I told her I could have ten by the end of the day. She lit up. My plan is to spend my first two days becoming an expert on HIV then get right to work with clients. Good stuff.
  • I missed posting about a bunch of birthdays while I was away. Punkin, Mr. Chili, Boss, and Little Boss all turned one year wiser. Happy late birthday!
  • There is more, but I am getting tired of typing and I need to got to the market. More to come soon, I promise!

Sunday Snapshot

29 03 2009

 It occurred to me today that some of you didn’t know I was moving. Sorry. I moved. Right next door to where I used to live. The apartment became available a couple of months ago and luckily it didn’t get rented. It’s mine now! All my stuff is out of storage! 

 Anyway, I was going through some pictures and I found this one;


 This is one of two pictures of Chili and me when we were kids. Well, I only have two. You got any, Chili?

There Is Someone I Want You To Meet

17 03 2009

 Get comfortable people. This is going to be a long one. 

 I have always been someone who keeps my dating adventures (or in the past couple of years, mis-adventures) to myself until I get a sense of where the relationship will go. I never dated a lot so when I did, the questions from my loving peeps came fast and furious. Most of the questions I didn’t have an answer for, so, I decided a long time ago that it would be best if I just kept it to myself for a bit. It always worked out to be about a month or so before I would tell my peeps I had been dating someone new. This system worked very well for me. Well, maybe not so well because none of the relationships turned out to be the “one”, but I think you get my drift.

 When I look back, I can see how the universe has laid everything out perfectly for me. Let me explain;

 I was talking to Auntie Teacher a couple of weeks ago, just shooting the shit. We go on and on about school, work, her broken thermostat in her car, blah, blah, blah when she asks me what’s going on in the dating department. Since I will not lie, even by omission, I tell her that, as a matter of fact, I am going to meet up with a girl next week. I had no plan of sharing this info, but since she asked, I told her. The universe was already at work and was shouting at me to do things differently this time. 

 “Where are you taking her?” 

 “I’m not taking her anywhere! We are meeting at Starbucks to hang out and have coffee!” 

 Notice the ‘tude I had with my peep? That was my way of saying that it was not a date, it was hanging out. Although she seemed really nice, easy to talk to, and not a weirdo, I felt the need to continue to not quiet cross over the “date” line. Auntie Teacher, being the amazing and supportive friend that she is, in a very calm voice simply said;

“OK, let me know how it goes.”

 Fast forward to the next day when I am driving in to work with Boss. She’s talking and talking about the boys in her life, the kids, the job, blah, blah, blah, when she asks me what’s going on in the dating department.

 What the fuck people, get out of my head!

 So I give her the scoop.

 “What’s her name?”

 “Her name is __________, but until further notice, she will be refered to as ‘the girl’!”

 “OK Auntie, calm down. We’ll call her “the girl” if it makes you feel better. So tell me what you know about her.”

 So for the rest of the ride in I tell Boss what I know; she’s 32, a SPED teacher, two sisters, two nieces and a nephew, she likes to read, wants to have kids (this is a deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t have bothered going out with her if she didn’t.), is in school, likes to go camping, and been single for enough time to get over her ex. I go on to say that it seems like we  have a lot in common, including our personal beliefs, values, and how we view the world and that I am “cautiously optimistic.”

 So, the girl and I talk and email before we go to “hang out”. We actually had planned to meet up earlier but because of both of our schedules, we were practicly killing ourselves to me mindful of each others time. She has work and school, I have work and school. Typically if a girl said to me “Hey, sounds like you have a busy day, why don’t we plan on another day” I would have thought she was trying to back out of the date hanging out. With the girl though, I only felt like she was being understanding and respectful of my time. We planned for Tuesday.

 She was already at Starbucks when I got there. When I walked in and saw her sitting there, her sparkling eyes and warm welcoming smile made me feel right at home. When  I sat down and we started talking, it felt like I was meeting up with an old friend. I knew instantly that this was going to be different.

 It was easy to talk to her. She put me so at ease that I could just be myself. She talked, I listened. I talked she listened. We laughed, we smiled, I realized that I could not let this girl go with out asking her out again.

 No way, no how.

 I stopped listening and started thinking about exactly how I was going to ask her out again. Don’t worry, I have already apologized to her for not being a good listener and she accepted. 

 When it was time to go, I told her that I really enjoyed myself  and I wanted to see her again if she was up for it. She said she was and we made plans to hang out go on another date on Sunday. 

 I told her I would call her in a couple of days. She said OK and we parted ways.

 I got in the car, thought that I was a moron for saying I would call her in a couple of days because I wanted to call her tomorrow. Since I said it I had to stick to it.  

 From there I drove to Boss’s office. I walked in, Boss took one look at me and said “Oh boy, Auntie!! It went well!! Tell me all about it! I am so excited for you!” while bouncing on her toes and clapping her hands. 

 The girl and I talked on Thursday. We kept each other up WAY past our bedtimes. Friday morning I sent Boss a text message that said “Boss, I really like __________.” The next time I talked to Boss, she said that she new that the girl was different because I used her name and that she was really happy for me. She also said it was about fucking time I met someone.

 In the interest of time (I have to get ready for work), I am turning this post into a Ten Things Tuesday;

1. I asked the girl permission to blog about her, she said yes. She wanted to know when I was planning on introducing her to you all and I told her when I could come up with a pseudonym for her. I told her that I was planning on starting the story as “the girl.” She said she liked it and wanted to be referred to as the girl. I explained that to me, “the girl” was not really a term of endearment. She maintained that she liked it though. At that, Chili came to mind. Chili has what she calls capital “G” girlfriends. I told the girl that I would start by calling her “the girl” and then as the story went on, she would become “The Girl” with caps. The Girl said that she liked that so  from this point forward, she is The Girl.

2. Chili elluded to The Girl in this post. I understand what she meant when she wrote “and it’s about time” but it is VERY important to note that before The Girl, I was happy. The truth is I love my life and didn’t feel like I was lacking anything. Sure, I wanted a partner but I did not need one, per say. The Girl and I have talked extensively about this and we are both in agreement that neither one of us was looking for someone to “complete” each other. 

3. The Girl and I are also in agreement that a big piece of why this is working out is because we came into it from a very healthy place in our lives both emotionally and spiritually. We have both done a lot of work to get here and we have made a commitment to continue to nurture ourselves first. I have always maintained that I can’t give away what I don’t have. When I take care of myself, the people in my life also reap the fruits. 

4. When telling SLM1 about The Girl, she said that she was so happy for me and she could tell something was different. That meant a lot to me because I am being very mindful to do this differently. The old ways just didn’t work. Everything about this is different and that is a good thing.

5. I very quickly developed feelings for The Girl. I struggled with wanting to take things slow but at the same time, trust my heart. Both Chili and SLM1 reminded me that I am in a place in my life where I can trust myself and that I will know exactly what to do. Thank you ladies, you were right. If you had asked me a few weeks ago if I would be in this place with The Girl, I would have said no. Today though, I can say that I am trusting myself and following my heart. Everything about this is right and I am exactly where I want and need to be.

6. I have made up my mind not to be scared about this. I have already had some feelings from my past that have come up. The Girl and I are talking them out. I trust her enough to allow myself to be vulnerable. I am pleased to say that the couple of times I have had scary feelings, I was given the space I needed to deal, and the respect of being heard and validated. Because of this I have come full circle from being afraid and throwing a wall up to moving through my shit in a healthy way. I have said it to The Girl already, but I would like to say it to her again here; Thank you.

7. Before the second date happened, I knew I wanted The Girl to meet my peeps, and more importantly, my family. This is HUGE for me. How huge, you ask? Well, let me tell you that the last woman I dated NEVER MET MY FAMILY. We dated for 6 months… The Girl has met some of my peeps (and was very well received!) and will meet the fam soon. 

8. Last night with the fam, I asked Punkin and Bean if they wanted to meet The Girl. Punkin was all about it but Bean said “not really”. Bean couldn’t explain why though. I told her that that was fine and I wouldn’t bring her up until she was ready. Chili made a funny face about it and I made it clear to her that I was going to honor Beans feelings. When I told The Girl about it, she said that she absolutely did not want to meet Bean until she was ready. That’s just fucking awesome.

9. The Girl does not like baseball. I told her that I didn’t need her to like baseball but how do you feel about the Yankees? 

 ” I don’t have an opinion about them.” she said

 “Wrong fucking answer! They suck! That is all I need you to know about baseball!”

 She laughed and said  “I would be happy to watch baseball with you. It’s not really about what I’m doing, it’s who I am doing it with that is important.” (TBD, take a page from her book and go to a fucking baseball game with me, would ya?!)

 The next morning she called me and said that she had done some research and then proceeded to tell me that the rilvery between the Sox and spankies started with the trade of The Babe. She continued to tell me about it but I didn’t hear a word because I was so in awe of that seemingly small gesture. Wow.

10. The Girl was going to Dunks and asked me if I wanted a bagel. You should know that The Girl is Pretty health conscience.

 “What would you say if I said I wanted a donut?”

 “I would say; Do you want sprinkles on that?”

 Wow again! 


 The Girl has already been to my blog and has been poking around a bit. She was reluctant at first because she doesn’t know the players. I was reluctant at first because I knew it wouldn’t take her long to figure out that I love to flirt with Kizz (hey Kizz! How you doing?). I told her that my nature is to flirt but that it is harmless. She said she had no issues with it. I told her that was good because it wasn’t going to change. She said she wouldn’t want it to. 

  There is so much more but I gotta get going here. I will end with this; She’s got me peeps. We have shared a lot in the last few weeks, and I will tell you that I am happily falling for her more and more each day and I couldn’t be more grateful that she is in my world.


Birthday Bean

16 03 2009


I may have posted this picture before but I love it so...

I may have posted this picture before but I love it so...



 Today my beloved niece Bean turns ten! While on the phone with her yesterday, I commented that it was her last day of single digits and how did she feel about turning ten?

 “I’m really excited about it, Auntie!”

 I’m excited about it too, Bean!

 My Beaner is a very optimistic and happy child. I believe that it is impossible for her to not express her love for her people. Even if it were possible, she wouldn’t bother trying because I think, even at such a young age, the kid knows the value of loving her people well. And boy does she ever love well! She fills me up with joy every single time I talk to her or see her. When she sees me, she runs to me with a huge smile and throws her arms around me. She is still small enough that I can gather her up in my arms and when I do, she wraps her arms and legs around me so tightly that it makes me think that she never wants to let go. I wonder if she knows how much I love that? I’ll have to tell her when I see her tonight. 

 I could go on and on here about all the amazing things about my niece; how smart she is, her wicked sense of humor, her kindness and compassion, her passion for learning, and her ability to see beauty every single day. I won’t though. Instead, on her birthday I would like to thank her for all the gifts she gives me, and every other person who has the pleasure of knowing her. 

 Happy Birthday, Beaner! I love you so much and I hope that your tenth year is your best yet!


2 03 2009


 In case anyone is wondering, and I am sure you are, the Chili’s are currently boarding their plane. Yes, I am stalking my family, what’s it to ya?

 The weather in their arrival city is 20 degrees with light snow. The moon is trying to make an appearance so my best guess is that the conditions will be clear when they arrive. 

 The expected tempature for tonight is 3.  Welcome home Chili’s!


photo credit

A Week In Review

19 02 2009

I took Punkin and Beaner roller skating on Monday.


 By the time we got there and got our skates on, they just started to do the hokey-pokey. The girls decided not to participate, but watched from the side while loving each other. I love it when they do that.

 They both did very well, but they are both very stiff when they skate. I encouraged them to loosen up a bit, they encouraged me to shut the hell up. Also, Bean reprimanded me for breaking a rule. 


 I have noticed that my iphone takes craptastic pictures. Hopefully Apple will work that out soon.

 I got new glasses this week. SLM1 was going to go with me to pick out a pair last week but I had to cancel because I was stuck at work so the Room-Mate went with me on Sunday. I found a pair I liked and so far, everyone seems to think they suit me. 

 I almost got rear-ended by a oil truck yesterday. I was stopped at a red light, I hear screeching tires, and I look in my mirror to see a shiny Mack truck grill about a foot away. Yikes.

 Today I went to one of our programs to visit one of my clients. While I was there I talked with a co-workers client too because, well, you know. On the way out, I was walking to my car and some lady was walking to her car. When we got to our  cars, we both realized at the same time that we were at the wrong cars. What are the chances of that?

 After that I went to the mall to return some stuff and then to Target to get some more stuff. On the way in I thought that it was getting cold so when I got back to my car, I was going to put my coat back on.


My coat?

Why don’t I have my coat on now? I mean, it’s nice enough not to wear it, but I had it on didn’t I?

Damn! I left my coat at the program!

 I called them, they put it away for me. 

 Tomorrow should be a low key day. I’ll see a client, do some paperwork, have lunch, do more paperwork, then go to the bosses office to put my feet on his desk (btw,TBD, I have no idea if he fucks a lot and I don’t want to know!)and turn in my time sheet. This weekend I am doing some school work and maybe hanging with some peeps. Also, maybe the Chili’s can come down and have lunch with me on Sunday?


I Should Be Writing A Paper

25 01 2009

 But instead I am writing a blog post. The whole thing started when I decided to call Chili and thank her again for the printer she gave me as a Christmas gift. I told her that it is really nice that I can do my research on my laptop in the living room, find something relevant, hit the print button, and never have to get up from the comfortable living room chair. If only I had someone to retrieve the paper from the printer. Yet another good reason to have kids!

 Anyway, when I was done talking to Chili, the phone got passed to Punkin. It seems there is a lot going on at the Chili household today. While Mr. Chili was removing the ice dam from the roof, the Chili children were building a snow fort in the snowbank created by the man who plowed while they were away. I could not help but to bring up some safety issues with snow forts. My young niece listened patiently while I lectured her.

 After that, the conversation turned to fairies. It seems that there are lots of them in the neighborhood. Wait, let me clarify! These kind of fairies;


 NOT these kind of fairies;


Most fairies are found in gardens whereas some are indigenous to the streets of P-town.

So, my question to Punkin was where do the fairies go in the winter? Florida?

“No, they go to the Bahamas.”

 Of course they do! How silly of me!

 Somehow we then started talking about a movie they watched yesterday called Igor. She told me all about this movie. She went on and on and on and on  about this movie. I am troubled by the fact that there is a suicidal rabbit in the movie.

“Wait a minuet! Is this a kids movie?”

“Yes, but don’t worry, the rabbit can’t die.”

Oh. Well that makes me feel better.

 Next the phone gets passed to Beaner.


“Hey Bean! Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh hi Auntie! I’m reading Real Simple magazine.”


“How old are you?”

“Um? Nine?”

“Ok, just checking. What are you reading about?”

“I am reading a feature called ‘Road Test’.”

“Road Test? What are they testing?”

“Swim suits, hummus, self-tanners, and make-up mirrors.”

 It may not be very funny to you, but for me, hearing my nine year old niece tell me she was reading about swim suits, hummus, self-tanners, and make-up mirrors was fucking hysterical.  I tried to talk but I couldn’t stop laughing. Tears were streaming down my face. When I finally pulled myself together I asked her what else she had read.

“Advice your doctor won’t give you.” 

“Really! Like what?”

“To much lemon is bad for your teeth. It eats at the enamel.”

 Good to know. Isn’t my family great!


Photo Credit: Garden fairies, Real Simple

Adventures In Shopping

17 01 2009

 On Thursday I took Punkin shopping for clothes. She asked me to get her clothes for Christmas so I bought her one outfit and told her I would give her $50 so she could pick some things out for herself. There were rules though. I am sure she knew there would be rules. And a lesson. I saw this as a learning opportunity for my beloved niece. 50 bucks may seem like a lot to a nearly 12 year old but it’s not. 

 Rule #1. If you put your hands up and I can see your belly, you will not be allowed to buy it.

 Rule #2. If you bend over and I see your crack, you will not be allowed to buy it.  This is a tough one because it is difficult to find pants that are not low rise. I recognize that this is the style however, I wish the manufactures would consider their market a bit better. There is no reason any girl under the age of 25 should be wearing low rise jeans. 

 You don’t have to say it. I already know. 

 Rule #3. You get $50. Not one cent more.

 I prompted Punkin to think about what she needed. She informed me that what she needed most was pants. At that, I encouraged her to think about how much money she was willing to spend on any given item.  I reminded her that the sale stuff is at the back of the store and we should check there first.

 So off we go. We went to the Gap first. She found a pair of pants that were $9.99 with an extra 25% off. That’s my girl! She also found a dress that she loved. It was super cute but I was concerned that it was not practical.

 “When do you think you will wear that dress?”

 “Well, me and my friend like to play dress up.”

 “Do you really want to spend your money on dress up clothes?”

 “Probably not. I could wear it for Easter.”

 “I think it would make a fine Easter dress.”

 “It’s not Easter colors though.”

 “Who says you have to wear pastels on Easter?” 

 “Mom does.”

 “Ok then. Good job thinking it through!”

 After that, I told her we could head to the next store to see what they had and come back to the Gap on the way out if that is what she wanted to do. 

 Off we went to Limited Too.

 People, this is a children’s store. Specifically, young girls. Some of the shit I saw in there made me wonder how these people sleep at night.

  She picked up a shirt that had sequins across the boob area for me to inspect. Instead of asking her why she thought it would be appropriate or not, I blurted out “Absolutely not! There is no reason you need to be drawing attention to your chest!” 

 The poor kid. She may have the most conservative aunt in the world.

 Next was a very mini skirt. I handled this a bit better;

 “Do you think it’s appropriate?”

 She knew exactly where I was going. She’s a smart kid.

 “Auntie it’s a SKORT! Plus I would wear it with leggings!!”

 She ended up deciding that she didn’t like it all that much and put it back. Good thing. It looked like something Molly Ringwald wore in Pretty In Pink. Ugh.

 To make a long story short, she walked out with a Cami and a half a hoodie kind of shirt to wear over it. 

 I do not understand fashion at all.

 Back at the Gap she tried on the $9.99 pants and a pair of full price yoga pants. The $9.99 ones were fine. No crack. The yoga pants?

 “They’re  kind of tight at the top.”

 “Auntie! They are yoga pants! There supposed to be! I need them for gym plus they are nice enough to wear for band. I need new band pants! My band shirt is long!”

 See how fucking slick she is? She used the word “need” twice.

 “Ok Punkin. If that’s what you want.”

 “Auntie? Why do you look so sad?”

 SAD? I’m not SAD! You’re 11! I don’t want people looking at your ass! Why don’t we go get you a nice pair of overalls and a turtle neck!

 “I’m not sad, Punkin, I’m conservative.”

 “I won’t get them if you don’t want me to.”

 “No, they’re fine. You can get them.”

 There was a time when she was really young that she wanted to dress like me. I got her carpenter pants like mine. Hiking boots just like mine. She even wanted the same underwear. She got little Jockey’s with the same print as the ones I wore.

 I knew she would grow out of it. I knew it wouldn’t take long to realize that she was dressing like a little dyke. In my defence, I only bought her things she asked for. Once she moved out of the baby dyke phase, it was all the girlie stuff she wanted.

 We go to purchase her pants when she tells me she would really like the (super cute, super practical, super warm) down coat that was on sale.

 “You won’t have enough money left.”

 “I really like it though. I’ll put the yoga pants back.”

 “Punkin, what do you need most?”

 “I need the pants.”

 Good girl!!! I was so proud of her. So proud that I wanted to buy her the coat anyway. I couldn’t of course. If I did, the lesson would be lost. I really wanted her to understand that sometimes you need to make tough money choices.

 When the woman at the register rang in her pants and gave me the total, I was surprised.

 “Are those yoga pants on sale?”

 “Yes they are!”

 “Punkin, you are going to be close with that jacket. You might just make it.”

 She ran over and grabbed it and handed it to the lady.

 She waited with anxious anticipation while the lady rang it in to find the sale price. 

 She looked at the lady.

 She looked at me.

 I thought she was going to start drooling.

 “Punkin, you are 68 cents over your $50.”

 Her face begged me to let her have it. I stood strong.

 “What did I tell you?”

 “You said not one cent over $50.”

 The lady looked at me like I was an asshole. I kinda felt like one but I needed to stay strong.

 “What if I give you the 68 cents? Can I get it then?!”

 She was so proud of herself for thinking of that. I was too.

 “You got the cash?”


 “Fork it over!”

 So, for 50 bucks she got a Cami, a half of a damn shirt, two pairs of pants, and a winter coat. Not. To. Shabby!

Happy Birthday Times Two

15 01 2009

 Two rocking women, both of whom I love very much, are celebrating their birthdays today!

 My sister, Chili, turns forty today!! I think forty is going to look really great on her. I think my sis is really finding her groove. Not to say that she has been out of whack all these years, she hasn’t. I just think this is going to be a great time in her life. I have noticed that she is more comfortable speaking her mind lately. Some may have been because she had a bit of help in the form of liquid courage, some came on it’s own. For example, we were talking on the phone the other night;

“I haven’t been happy with my blog lately. I’m not sure what’s up with it, I just haven’t like the way I have written lately.” I said.

“I know what you mean. You haven’t been.. I don’t know.. Funny. You have not been as funny as I expected you to be.”

 Because she is correct, I just agreed with her but in my head I wanted to tell her to go outside and play hide and go fuck herself.* At the same time though, I thought that it was good that she could be so honest with me. I have a deep respect for people who can tell it like it is. I dislike having to try and guess where I stand with people.

 So, my dear sister doesn’t think my blog is funny. Fine.  Hey Chili! I am not a freaking comedian! You want funny, go see a comedy show or something! Way to put the pressure on me you big fucking bully! Just so you know, because of that comment, I took your present back. If the weather holds, I’ll be over tonight. Bake your own damn birthday cake. The double chocolate one and have it ready by the time I get there. Maybe then I will think about getting you a present. 

 Just kidding. I never got you a present.

 Go on over to Chili’s place and wish her a happy day!

 SLM1 is celebrating her birthday today too! She is WAY nicer than my sister! For example, a couple of weeks ago she called me to tell me she bought me a pair of jeans. Do you know why she bought me a pair of jeans? Because she saw them and she thought I would like them!! See how she is? She rocks. 

 Like my sister, SLM1 also tells it like it is. She never fails to put me in my place, in a nice, empowering sort of way, which is a trait that I really appreciate. I feel like, especially over this past year, her and I have grown closer. For that I am very grateful. 


 Happy Birthday my friend! I am looking forward to celebrating with you on Saturday! SLM1 doesn’t have a blog so feel free to leave your bithday wishes here.


*For the record I would like to say that I think my sister is awesome and I lover her very much. She is very, very good to me and is always loving and supportive of me. I would not trade my sister for anything in the world, I am just giving her a hard time because as of today, she is old. I love you Chili!!


Photo credit; Me and my sisBirthday,