What A Couple!

29 06 2008


 Today is Mr. and Mrs. Chili’s anniversary. Go on over and wish them a happy day!

 I know a ton of people who do not like their in-laws. I love my brother in-law. Simply stated, I couldn’t have picked a better husband for my sister or a better father for my nieces. 

 In addition to him being a great man, they are a great couple. I admire their relationship and I aspire to have one that is similar. 

 Happy Anniversary kids! I love you both!


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27 06 2008

Please go here and read this. Please gather all the stuff you do not use and put it in a bag. Please buy what ever you can. Anything will help I think. If you live close to me, bring it to me or ask me to pick it up. I will ship it. I will pay for shipping. If you do not live close to me, please ship it. Thank you.

I Don’t Ask For Much

27 06 2008

 Dear Co-Worker(s)-

 I have a few things on my mind that I feel I need to express to you. First of all, when I came into work yesterday at 7 am, I observed my salad dressing sitting on the table in the staff lounge. It is important for you to understand that pulling the post-it note I taped to the bottle with my name on it off of aforementioned bottle does not make it yours! Have you noticed the sign on the refrigerator door? It clearly asks us to write our name on our belongings.

 The thing is, I don’t mind sharing. In fact, I rather enjoy it. Perhaps you ordered a salad and they sent you the wrong dressing or maybe they didn’t send you any dressing. Certainly you may use some of mine! Please don’t make it a habit though, I am not willing to buy it for you all the time. Since I am willing to share, there is no reason to remove my name from it.

 Also, for the love of all things good, please put it away when you are done! When I left the building at 8:35, the bottle was still on the table. I am guessing you probably ate it around 11 ish. I can only come to this conclusion because there was take out Chinese food on the table as well. That would mean that my dressing has been sitting out for 8 plus hours. That shit goes bad. So now, I have no dressing and I have to buy more. When I do, it will be easy to identify. 

 Do you notice how the post-it doesn’t stick well? That is why I taped it! On the top. And the bottom. Don’t even try to tell me the fargin post-it fell off and you didn’t know who it belonged to!

 As I already mentioned, you left your (and my) food on the table. I would like to take a moment to point out to you that the cleaning crew is not maid service. It is not their job to pick up after you. The mess you left was disgusting and it was totally ignorant of you to leave it for someone else to clean. I would hate to see what your house looks like. 

 To summarize, don’t take shit that doesn’t belong to you (or at the very least use a small amount and put it back where you found it) and pick up after yourself!

 Thank you,



Just Another Day In Court

26 06 2008

 What a day I had yesterday! I spent most of it in court. I had four clients in there , one of them got held for second session. Blah! I didn’t get out of there until 3:30.

 This week, the judge was in a really good mood. A young man got called up and the conversation went something like this;

“Good morning Mr. Traitor (obviously not his real name). How are you doing?”

“Good morning your Honor. I’m doing good.”

“Mr. Traitor, your team isn’t doing so well this year.”

I figured the kid was on a softball team or something. I quickly figured out that he was just a dumb ass Yankees fan.

“It’s still early in the season your Honor.”

“You said that last year and look what happened! Are you aware Mr. Traitor, that your team has two pitchers who are over 40?”

“Yes your Honor, that’s OK. We’ll be fine.”

“And are you aware that your team is in third place?”

“It’s OK, we’ll be fine.”

” Very well then. Ms. PO, how is Mr. Traitor doing?”

“Your Honor, Mr. Traitor has all…”

“Are you aware that your team is behind Tampa Bay!” The judge blurted out.

“Yes your Honor.” He said while looking at the floor. It’s never good to be behind Tampa Bay.

“I apologize Ms. PO, please continue.”

 I was chuckling through the whole thing but when he went on about Tampa I busted out laughing so hard it made me cry!

 At recess I got yelled at by my clients lawyer. Don’t worry, it wasn’t anything I did. I quickly de-escalated him and gave him the facts he needed to properly defend my client. She got off, probably because the judge was in such a good mood. Both the lawyer and the PO were on the same page with what they wanted for her. Even so, the judge was this close to sending her back to jail. He was pissed at her and thought long and hard about what to do. 

 Oh, and this young woman who was being brought in from jail tried to escape. She managed to slip out of her cuff (she was handcuffed to another woman) and bolt for the door. She still had her shackles on though. All of a sudden an overweight court officer is hauling ass out of the court room. The woman who was seated next to me got up to see what happened and returned and shared the news. Obviously they caught her. My guess is it’s pretty hard to run when you have a 6 inch chain attached to both feet. Anyway, after she told the story, the young woman in front of me said;

“If you’re cuffed and shackled, it’s probably a good idea to call it a day.”

  You would think that, wouldn’t you? Not so much. This guy got away with it.


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Maybe This Will Help

25 06 2008

On Sunday my friend Lime Green came by for a visit. It was awesome to see her, it had been way too long since we got together.

Me, her, and the Room-Mate were sitting around chatting and we started talking about Feng Shui. She is in my room explaining what areas represent the different aspects of Feng Shui when she says;

“This corner represents your love life.” While motioning towards my bookshelf. “Oh! Auntie, you might want to move these books!”

Eureka! That explains my girl woes, specifically the weirdos that seem to be attracted to me!

Sitting on the shelf are my DSM (lists all mental health disorders) and Substance Abuse Treatment for Persons With Co-Occurring Disorders.

I could not move those books fast enough! I’m not usually willing to put a lot of stock into things like that but I figured it couldn’t hurt. Interestingly, they were in the same corner of my old apartment too. I’ll keep you posted.

Ten Things Tuesday

24 06 2008

 I almost forgot about TTT. This is all you’re getting!

 Ten badly manicured toes. No, my feet are not dirty. That’s a tan line from my sandals. 

 Happy Tuesday night!

A Miracle. Part Two.

23 06 2008

 Every time Boss would call me and tell me she had something important to say, I would ask her if she was pregnant. She would always say no. One afternoon in late March her answer was yes. I remember it very vividly. I was in a coffee shop when she called. I got up, went outside and answered the phone. We were just shooting the shit and  I was kicking the snowbank. After a quick update of what she had been doing, she told me. I was in shock for maybe two seconds, then I was giddy with excitement. We talked for a bit, made a plan to see each other, then hung up. I went back in the coffee shop and broke the news to my friend. Then it hit me. I am her best girlfriend. It was going to be my job to plan a shower. Ugh!

 So time goes on and things are looking good. I had asked people to help me with the shower, including her mom, because, you know, I don’t really do things like that. She was feeling good and doing all the things pregnant women are supposed to do. Her 14 year old wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea of having a baby sibling but I figured in time, it would grow on her.

 On June 23rd of last year, me and the peeps decided to drive north to go to tea dance. We were in two cars for what ever reason and were on the road for about 15 minuets when my phone rang.

“What’s up Boss!”

“Hey Auntie. What are you doing?” She said in her “something is not right with me” voice.

“We’re heading to tea. What’s the matter?”

“Oh. I’m OK.”

“Boss, what’s up?”

“I had my baby.”

“WHAT?!” I said as I placed my hand on my friends shoulder. 

“I had my baby. We’re at Dartmouth. I wasn’t feeling good for a few days. I thought I had a cold. My doctor told me to go to Exeter. I started having contractions and they took me to Dartmouth in an ambulance.”

“Do you want me to come up?” I was in a daze.

“You don’t have to.” Translation; “Yes please.” If Boss doesn’t want you to do something, she says so. I could hear the emotion in her voice. Obviously, considering she delivered her child 15 weeks early. As I mentioned before she is independent and strong, even in the toughest of times.  The fear and uncertainty in her voice would have brought me to my knees had I been standing. I still had my hand on my friend. Looking back I think I was trying to draw strength from her so not to turn into mush.

“I’m on my way! Turn the car around!” My poor friend had no idea what was going on and looked at me blankly. “TURN THE CAR AROUND!” I said again. ” Boss, do you need me to do anything before I come up? Where is kid #1? Where are the dogs?” When there is a crisis, I need to do something. It makes me feel better.

 “Kid #1 is up here with my parents, the dogs are all set.”

“OK. I’m on my way!”

 I called my other friends in the car behind us to let them know what was going on. They asked me a ton of questions that I had no answers for. All I knew was that the baby was a girl and that she came way to soon. 

 The hour and a half ride up seemed to take forever. I was driving very fast and had to remind myself to slow down several times. There was a million questions running through my head and I had no idea what I would see. I had never seen a premie baby before. I tried to keep myself grounded by reminding myself that Auntie Teacher was also born almost 3 months early and she turned out just fine. And that was back in 1969. That eased my fears a bit, but not much.

 When I got there, Boss was sleeping. I put my hand on her leg and gently rubbed to see if she would easily wake up. If not, I was going to let her sleep. She did wake up right away and began to tell me what happened. 

 On Tuesday night she felt like she had a bad cold and left work early. Wednesday and Thursday she didn’t feel any better and felt like she was having contractions. At that she called her doctor who told her that if she was woken up by the contractions during the night, to call back and she could come in. When she woke up on Friday she still felt like crap so she called. The doctor told her to come in. While she was in the shower she got some pretty major contractions. She goes to the doctor who sends her to the hospital. The hospital figures that she has an infection. They are afraid to stop the labor because they didn’t know exactly what kind of infection it is so they decide to send her to Dartmouth. On the ride over she was getting antibiotics as well as steroids just in case the baby came. 

 Once at Dartmouth they tried to stop the labor. They figured if they stopped it for even 1 week, they would be in a better shape. By 7 am her water broke. Because she had been given so many meds to stop the labor, she was holding steady at 5cm. They then decided to give her meds to put her back into labor. Around ten minuets till two, the baby was in position and the doctor told her to push. After two pushes, out came Little Boss, kicking her tiny legs. She weighed a whopping 1 lb, 13 oz and was 12 inches tall.

 After Boss gave me the rundown, she flung her legs off the bed, sprang up, and started briskly walking to the door.

 “Let’s go see her!”

 That’s Boss. Nothing keeps her down. Not a raging infection. Not delivering a baby 4 hours earlier. Granted it was a tiny baby but still.

 I think I was still in shock that she actually had the baby so actually seeing this teeny, tiny human being didn’t really hit me until the next day.

 After we saw her, we talked about all the things that could go wrong. The list was very long. Her little organs were not even fully developed yet. Boss was obviously very worried about her daughters future. If she even lived, there was a good chance she would have a birth defect. I remember saying something like this;

“Boss, this is YOUR kid. If she is anything like you, she will be a fighter. In fact, she already is. All that medicine couldn’t keep her in. She knew it was safer for her to be out rather than in with that infection. If any kid has got a chance, it’s this one.” I believed every word I said. 

 After some ups and downs and more scares than any child should put their parents through, Little Boss turned one today! All things considered, she has done really well. There was the one incident where she kinda stopped breathing and had to get the shit knocked out of her by her grandmother to start again, but other than that, since she left the hospital she has been kicking some serious developmental ass. 

 Here are some pictures posted with Bosses permission;

 In this one she is about 8 hours old. That is Bosses hand to show her size.

 After only 5 days, Boss got to hold her for the first time. Notice that Bosses thumb is as big as the little ones lower leg.

 So small.

 The first time she smelled like a baby. This is my favorite of the two of them so far.

 In August she was ready to move to a hospital that was closer to home. She didn’t really like it at first but..

.. she eventually settled in.

 By the end of September she got to go home!

 And this is where I skip several months and fast forward to today. I tried to write while I was over there today but little miss yelling to hear her own voice, banging on stuff, and looking so damn cute I had to pick her up had other plans for me.  There is a lot more to the story too but it’s past my bed time. Here are todays pictures, complete with cake! Oh, and she has to wear a helmet because her head has a funny shape. When people ask me about it I like to say it’s because her mom drops her a lot! She is just about done with it, she is way ahead of schedule. She is such an over achiever!

See how big! Yup, that’s moms hand!

 It looks like she ate a lot but she really didn’t.

 She ended up blurping up part of her dinner. Off to the tub, returned to mom all clean!

 Happy birthday Little Boss!