Another True Story

24 11 2008

 First, I would like to give my clients a shout out because they are providing me with inspiration for my POST posts. They don’t know I am doing this and they don’t even know I have a blog. So far, two clients have helped. Thanks kids!

 I have this client who is pregnant. She is by far the funniest client I have. She cracks me up every time I see her. Anyway, she calls me a half hour before I go to see her and she goes on this rant about her boyfriend. Apparently she is upset with him because he plugged her cell phone in to charge it and she is pissed because when he plugs her phone in “..his big stupid fingers..” shut the ringer off on the phone and he doesn’t even realize it. As a result, she ends up missing calls. She goes on and on about it and when she finally stops I say “It sounds like he is just trying to be helpful.”

 Wrong answer. 

 She launches into another tirade about the guy.

 I have to stop her but I tell her I will be at their house in twenty minuets and we can talk about it then.

 I go there, she gets in the car and picks right up where she left off.

 Apparently, this guy is a big jerk. He goes grocery shopping and picks out things he thinks she will like. He comes home from work and wants to cuddle with her. He would rather stay in with her than go out with a bunch of people. And, if that weren’t enough, he puts his clothes in the laundry basket! Asshole!

 Ok, there are problems with his “flaws”. The things he picks out for her she typically doesn’t like to eat, he works all day leaving her at home with the dog so when he gets home, she wants to go out and do things and be social. He puts his clothes in the basket but he won’t actually do the washing.

 We have a very good working relationship so I can call her on her shit. I tried to explain to her why he may do the things he does and not for nothin’ kid but he works all day and earns all the money. Is it going to kill you to do his laundry for him?

 “What is this really about?” I ask her.

“He’s just so dumb!”

“I can’t think of any woman who wouldn’t be thrilled to be with this guy! He is not dumb, he is nice and he is good to you and he loves you!”

” He is just dumb!”

“I think you are having hormone issues.”

” YOU THINK? No shit I am having hormone issues! I have a fucking person growing inside me! Don’t ever do this! Don’t ever make anyone do this for you! This sucks! I feel like shit every day! I feel like I am going to puke every fucking day! He has no fucking idea what this is like! I can’t believe he did this to me! I talked to my doctor about it and I told her she better get fucking ready now because if I feel like this already I am sure I will have POSTpartum depression. That will be just my luck!”

 Forty five minuets later when I dropped her off at therapy, she was still going strong. If this keeps up and her boyfriend makes it through the next seven months, I am going to nominate him for man of the year.

For him

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4 responses

24 11 2008
Kizz

You should get extra pizza for this POST post, this was kind of freaking brilliant.

24 11 2008
Laurie B

I knew all along why I choose not to have kids. Great story though.

24 11 2008
Mrs. Chili

Bwahahahahahah!

You know what, though? I kind of hate it when people blame their bad behavior on their pregnancies. I went through it – twice – and I guess you’d have to ask Mr. Chili, but I don’t recall ever being rude to him and blaming it on being pregnant…

Oh, and I DID have this “post” in my list.

25 11 2008
Laurie B

Something rang a bell for me…the bras on the fence POST thing. Go and G**g**e bras and fences and you’ll find the Cardrona Road in New Zealand. They have got bras and fences just knakkerd.

When you meet MrsAuntie, think about a honeymoon in NZ. We’ll hook you up with people and places. She’ll love you even more. Really.

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