Dear Co-Worker(s)-
I have a few things on my mind that I feel I need to express to you. First of all, when I came into work yesterday at 7 am, I observed my salad dressing sitting on the table in the staff lounge. It is important for you to understand that pulling the post-it note I taped to the bottle with my name on it off of aforementioned bottle does not make it yours! Have you noticed the sign on the refrigerator door? It clearly asks us to write our name on our belongings.
The thing is, I don’t mind sharing. In fact, I rather enjoy it. Perhaps you ordered a salad and they sent you the wrong dressing or maybe they didn’t send you any dressing. Certainly you may use some of mine! Please don’t make it a habit though, I am not willing to buy it for you all the time. Since I am willing to share, there is no reason to remove my name from it.
Also, for the love of all things good, please put it away when you are done! When I left the building at 8:35, the bottle was still on the table. I am guessing you probably ate it around 11 ish. I can only come to this conclusion because there was take out Chinese food on the table as well. That would mean that my dressing has been sitting out for 8 plus hours. That shit goes bad. So now, I have no dressing and I have to buy more. When I do, it will be easy to identify.
Do you notice how the post-it doesn’t stick well? That is why I taped it! On the top. And the bottom. Don’t even try to tell me the fargin post-it fell off and you didn’t know who it belonged to!
As I already mentioned, you left your (and my) food on the table. I would like to take a moment to point out to you that the cleaning crew is not maid service. It is not their job to pick up after you. The mess you left was disgusting and it was totally ignorant of you to leave it for someone else to clean. I would hate to see what your house looks like.
To summarize, don’t take shit that doesn’t belong to you (or at the very least use a small amount and put it back where you found it) and pick up after yourself!
Thank you,
Auntie
Who does she think she is anyway? 
My usual line to co workers is “I’m not your lover, I’m not your mother, clean up your own damn mess”.
One of the work sites we visit has a very nice kitchen area set up for the employees. The boss there put up a very direct sign that says “You spend more time at work than you do at your home. Keep this area as neat as you do your home”.
Otherwise, I’m happy to share my food things if somebody asks first.
It is all about respect for others.
My workplace has a very direct sign about “borrowing” without asking…”Do Not Take Food That Isn’t Yours. Stealing is a Terminable Offense.” There’s one in English and one in Spanish (it’s a BIG multi-lingual staff).
OK, then…no ‘borrowing.’
The staff is decent about cleaning up after themselves…however the clients are not. BUT, we can’t put up those direct signs for fear of offending them. ugh. The problem is that when I say, “Do you do that in your home and expect someone to clean up after you??” (never to them, but to myself and my coworkers), the answer would usually be ‘yes, and I have many people who do that.’ double ugh. So, as I walk around picking up sweaty work out towels and newspapers and putting away exercise equipment (mats, medicine balls, dumb bells) so that others don’t get hurt and can find what they need, I just laugh…of course after I RANT and VENT in the office behind closed doors…hahaha.
Auntie,
Like you I don’t ask for much. My one vice I really love is a cold Coca-Cola every day. Unless we have an emergency, at 3:00 sharp I’ll say “school’s out,” and have a Coke. Lord help the employee who gets into my Co-Colas!
Dr. B