101 Ways

9 04 2008

I got this email before and I think it is good enough to post. My comments are in italics.

1. The Red Sox World Series win was, and will always be, one of the greatest moments in your life. Both World Series wins were very cool but not one of the greatest moments of my life.
 2. The guy driving in front of you is going 70 mph and you’re swearing at him for going too slow. This used to be true but I gave up the road rage thing a long time ago.
 3. When ordering a tonic, you mean a Coke. I don’t drink the stuff. If I did I would ask for a tonic.
 4. You went to Canobie Lake Park or Water Country as a kid. Both, yes.
 5. You actually enjoy driving around rotaries. It’s both fun and annoying because of people who don’t know how to drive in them. The rule is, if you are already in the rotary, you do not need to yield. Once your in, your in and you can get out whenever you feel like it.
 6. You do not recognize the letter ‘R’ as a part of the English language. I worked really hard to bring the “R” back. It goes away when I am really mad, tired or drunk.
 7. Your social security number starts with a 0. Yup. 
 8. You can actually find your way around Boston. Not as well as I would like..
 9. You know what a ‘regular’ coffee is. Cream and two sugars. I’ll take mine with just cream please.
10. You keep an ice scraper in your car year-round. I do not. I took it out early this year. Guess what. It frickin snowed again!
11. You can tell the difference between a Revere accent and a Dorchester accent. Probably. More important is the hair. You can tell a Revere girl from a mile away! Big hair! Well, not so much anymore I guess.
12. Springfield is located ‘way out west.’ This is true, yes.
13. You almost feel disappointed if someone doesn’t flip you the bird when you cut them off or steal their parking space. Not at all.
14. You know how to pronounce the names of towns like Worcester, Billerica, Gloucester, and Haverhill. Yes I do.
15. Anyone you don’t know is a potential idiot until proven otherwise. Again, I used to think this. Moving out of the state helped a lot.
16. Paranoia sets in if you can’t see a Dunkin Donuts or CVS within eyeshot at all times. This is a bit dramatic don’t you think? However, when I travel to a state that does not have a Dunks, the first thing I do when I get off the plane is hit the one at the airport.
17. You have driven to New Hampshire on a Sunday just to buy alcohol. Never done that.
18. You know how to pronounce Yastrzemski. Yes, YAZ!
19. You know there’s a trophy at the end of the Bean Pot. Yup.
20. You order iced coffee in January. All year long!
21. You know that the Purple Line will take you anywhere. No, I didn’t know that.
22. You love scorpion bowls. Nope, too fruity. I’ll have a Sam or a Crown.
23. You know what they sell at a Packie. Yes, and sometimes I still say “packie” even though it’s stupid.
24. Sorry Manny, but number 24 means DEWEY EVANS. I’m not particullaly attached too this one.
25. You know what First Night is. Is this just a Boston thing?
26. You know at least one guy named Sean, Pat, Whitey, Red, Bud or Seamus. Sean, Red, Bud and Pat.
27. McLobster? McCrap! I haven’t tried it but I hear it’s good. They have to lock it up at the McDonald’s.
28. You know at least 2 cops in your town because they were your high school drinking buddies. Nope.
29. Sure there are 6 New England states, but Connecticut really doesn’t count. Half of Connecticut doesn’t count. The Yankee fan half.
30. You intentionally give wrong directions to tourists, feel bad when they drive off, but then say to yourself, ‘Ah, screw them.’ I have never and would never do this.
31. You know at least one bar where you can get something to drink after last call. Not anymore.
32. You’re sick of the Kennedy’s, but you vote for them anyway. Never voted in MA.
33. You know holding onto the railing when riding the Green Line is not optional. I totally hang on because I don’t want to fall into anyone.
34. The numbers ’78 and ’86 make you cringe. I don’t remember ’78 and I am so over ’86. Let it go people!
35. You’ve been to Goodtimes before. Nope.
36. You think the rest of the country owes you for Thanksgiving and Independence Day. (…and they DO). Thanksgiving is a holiday that makes me embarrassed to be an American.
37. You have never been to ‘Cheers. I have.
38. The words ‘WICKED’ and ‘GOOD’ go together. Yes. You’ve got to end with “pissa” though. For example; “The Sox looked wicked good today, huh?!”  She said. “Pissa!” I replied
39. You’ve been to Fenway Pahk several times. Yes!!
40. You’ve gone to at least one party at U Mass. I don’t think so.
41. You own a ‘Yankees Suck’ shirt or hat. I don’t need to own a shirt or hat to know they suck.
42. You know what a Frappe is. Yum!
43. You’ve been to Hempfest. Yeah.
44. You know who Frank Averuch is. No. Before my time perhaps?
45. ADVANCED: You know Frank Averuch was once Bozo the Clown. Oh, Bozo I remember.
46. You can complete the following: ‘Lynn, Lynn…’ The city of sin. You never come out the way you went in.
47. You get pissed off when a restaurant serves clam chowder, and it turns out to be friggin’ Snows. Yeah.
48. You actually know how to merge from six lanes of traffic down to one. Yes.
49. The TV weatherman is damn good if he’s right 25% of the time. I guess.
50. You never go to ‘Cape Cod,’ you go ‘down the Cape’. Yes. That’s funny! I never thought of that one.
51. You think that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon are more evil than Whitey Bulger. Traitors.
52. You know who Whitey Bulger is. Yeah, I saw him at Cheers.
53. You went to the Swan Boats, House of Seven Gables, or Plymouth Plantation on a field trip in elementary school. Yup.
54. Bobby Orr is loved as much as Larry Bird, Tom Brady, and Ted Williams.  Terry O’Rielly does it for me.
55. You remember Major Mudd. No I don’t.
56. You know what candlepin bowling is. Small balls.
57. You can drive to the mountains and the ocean all in one day. Yup. 
58. You know Scollay Square once stood where Government Center is. I didn’t know that.
59. When you were a kid, Rex Trailer was the coolest guy around. Luke and Bo Duke were the coolest guys around.
Speaking of which…
60. You can still hum the song from the end of Boom Town. I don’t know what Boom Town is.
61. Calling Carrabba’s an ‘Italian’ restaurant is sacrilege. ?
62. You still have your old Flexible Flyer somewhere in your parents’ attic. I never had one.
63. You know that the Mass Pike is some sort of strange weather dividing line. It really is. It’s weird.
64. The only time you’ve been on the Freedom Trail is when relatives are in town. Yeah but I want to do it again.
65. The Big Dig tunnel disaster wasn’t really that much of a surprise. No disaster in the state of Mass is a surprise.
66. You call guys you’ve just met ‘Chief’ or ‘Boss.’ I call them “brother”.
67. 4:15pm and pitch black out means there’s just 3 more shopping days until Christmas. Plenty of time!
68. You know more than one person with the last name Murphy. Yeah, we call ’em “Murph”!
69. You refer to Savin Hill as ‘Stab ‘n Kill.’ Nope.
70. You’ve never eaten at Durgin Park, but recommend it to tourists. Yup, nope.
71. You can’t look at the zip code 02134 without singing it. ?
72. You voted for a Republican Mormon as Governor just to screw with the rest of the country. I so would not have voted for that guy.
73. 11pm? Drunk? It means one thing: Kowloon! Maybe for comedy night.
74. 2am? Drunk? It means one thing: Kelly’s Roast Beef! Kelly’s is over rated.
75. 5am? Drunk? It means one thing: You wish you had a blanket in your back seat. That may have happened once.
76. You know that P-Town isn’t the name of a new rap group. Yeah, but it is funny as hell to watch the old people get off the tour bus!
77. People you don’t like are all ‘Bastids.’ No.
78. You took school or work off for the Patriots first Super Bowl Win Parade. Nope.
 79. You’ve called something ‘wicked pissa.’ HA HA! Yes!
 80. You’ll always get razzed for Dukakis. Nope.
 81. Saturday afternoons meant Creature Double Feature with Dale Dorman. I never got in to that.
 82. Sunday mornings meant the Three Stooges on Channel 38. Sometimes, yes.
 83. You’ve slammed on your brakes to deter a Tailgater. In the past, yes.
 84. No, you don’t trust the Gorton’s Fisherman. He’s ok.
 85. You know that Papa Gino’s usually has a jukebox. Yeah.
 86. You think Aer osmith is the greatest rock band of all time. No!
 87. Your town has at least 6 sub shops, and none of them are a Subway. We have a Subway.
 88. You know at least three Tony’s, one Vinnie and a Frankie. No Vinnie’s. There is a packie up the street named Vinnie’s though.
 89. 20 degrees isn’t that bad as long as there’s no wind. True.
90. You were very sad when saying goodbye to the Boston Garden. I was.
91. Thanksgiving means family, turkey, High School football, and the long version of Alice’s Restaurant. Not so much.
92. You know the guy who founded the Boston Pops was Athah Feedlah. Yup.
93. You know what the Combat Zone is. Is there still a Combat Zone.
94. You drive 45 minutes to New Hampshire to save $5 in sales tax. No I wouldn’t.
95. You’ve pulled out of a side street and used your car to block oncoming traffic so you can make a left. Yes.
96. You’ve bragged about the money you’ve saved at The Christmas Tree Shop. No.
97. You’ve been to Hampton Beach on a Saturday night. I am embarrassed to admit this.
98. Playing street hockey was a daily after school ritual. Or baseball or football. Depending on the season.
99. Hearing an old lady shout ‘Numbah 96 for Sioux City!’ means it’s time for steak. No.
100. You remember Jordan Marsh, Grants, Bradlees, Caldor,
 Zayres, or Ann & Hope. Yup.
101. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Massachusetts. I did the first time around. 
 I would like to add a couple of things we say that seem to be unique to New England, “Lookit” and “All set”.
 “Lookit this shirt Auntie, it would look lovely on you!” Chili said (even though she is english geek, she still says “lookit). “I’m all set.” I said while thinking how different our tastes are.