Please

Please go here and read this. Please gather all the stuff you do not use and put it in a bag. Please buy what ever you can. Anything will help I think. If you live close to me, bring it to me or ask me to pick it up. I will ship it. I will pay for shipping. If you do not live close to me, please ship it. Thank you.

I Don’t Ask For Much

 Dear Co-Worker(s)-

 I have a few things on my mind that I feel I need to express to you. First of all, when I came into work yesterday at 7 am, I observed my salad dressing sitting on the table in the staff lounge. It is important for you to understand that pulling the post-it note I taped to the bottle with my name on it off of aforementioned bottle does not make it yours! Have you noticed the sign on the refrigerator door? It clearly asks us to write our name on our belongings.

 The thing is, I don’t mind sharing. In fact, I rather enjoy it. Perhaps you ordered a salad and they sent you the wrong dressing or maybe they didn’t send you any dressing. Certainly you may use some of mine! Please don’t make it a habit though, I am not willing to buy it for you all the time. Since I am willing to share, there is no reason to remove my name from it.

 Also, for the love of all things good, please put it away when you are done! When I left the building at 8:35, the bottle was still on the table. I am guessing you probably ate it around 11 ish. I can only come to this conclusion because there was take out Chinese food on the table as well. That would mean that my dressing has been sitting out for 8 plus hours. That shit goes bad. So now, I have no dressing and I have to buy more. When I do, it will be easy to identify. 

 Do you notice how the post-it doesn’t stick well? That is why I taped it! On the top. And the bottom. Don’t even try to tell me the fargin post-it fell off and you didn’t know who it belonged to!

 As I already mentioned, you left your (and my) food on the table. I would like to take a moment to point out to you that the cleaning crew is not maid service. It is not their job to pick up after you. The mess you left was disgusting and it was totally ignorant of you to leave it for someone else to clean. I would hate to see what your house looks like. 

 To summarize, don’t take shit that doesn’t belong to you (or at the very least use a small amount and put it back where you found it) and pick up after yourself!

 Thank you,

Auntie