Who does she think she is anyway?

 Remember how I had some moles and stuff removed last month? Well, one of them has been bothering me, the one on my ass specifically. At first it was just itchy. I was at SLM1 and 2’s sons baseball game a few weeks ago, standing at the fence watching the game. I turned to SLM2 and just stared at her. “What’s the matter with you?” She asked. “My ass is itchy!!” I said. I promptly turned around, put my ass against the chain link fence, and tried to use it to discreetly scratch my butt. She got a good chuckle out of it.

 A few days later it started to hurt. Not really bad, it was really more annoying than anything. I tried to look myself with no luck. Not for lack of trying though. I had myself all twisted and bent over in front of the mirror. Then I went over to the Chili’s and had the her take a look. Obviously she’s not a doctor but she is a mommy, and mommy’s just know things. She said it looked ok to her.

 Last week at the outreach office, I sat in the bosses chair and as soon as I did I let out a little squeal. My co-worker, TSF, said “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” “My ass hurts.” I said. “I had hemorrhoids when I was pregnant.” She informed me. “I don’t have hemorrhoids! I have stitches!”

 Fast forward to last Friday. I tell Chili at Pumkins track meet that my butt still hurts and ask her if she will look again. She says she will when we get to the Olive Garden. I tell her I am so not dropping my pants in a public restroom! She tells me we will go in the handicap stall. I didn’t think of that, she really is smarter than me. So, we go and eat and leave without her looking at me. We both just forgot. As I was hugging the family good bye, Mr. Chili decides that since it is my birthday, he should give me a pinch to grow an inch. Wouldn’t you know he hit the exact spot on my butt that was stitched! I can’t remember exactly what I said (do you Chili?) but I said something like “Stitches. Ass. Ouch!” Mrs. Chili remembered then that she was gonna have a looksie and did I want to do that now? Um, no, I think I will just limp to my car, thank you.

 The ride home had me driving like a teenage boy. You know, leaning towards the passenger seat, wrist hanging over the steering wheel.

 Yesterday I decided I couldn’t deal anymore. After giving myself PLENTY of time to heal, I had to call the doc. They got me in first thing this morning. The nurse said that sometimes, with some people, the dissolvable stitches just don’t dissolve. Sure enough, that’s what happened to me. She had to dig them out. You would think the knots they tie under your skin (on both sides of the incision) would be small. They are not. They are about the size of a softball. And they have to be dug out with a garden spade.

 Today I am driving like a teenage boy again.

Ten songs and/or musicians I am embarrassed to admit that I like;

1. This guy is a nut job but this song is fantastic.

2. Another nut job, but a kick ass song. This video was made by a kid at a local high school.

3. This next one is from a guy I hate because it brings up childhood memories. I would rather just not go there. This song though, has been a staple at Fenway pahk. It took a while, but now when I hear it I think of the pahk. So good! So good! So good! GO SOX!

4. I’m not too old for this, am I?

5. I am quite sure my parents had no idea what I was listening to..

6. I swear to you that I only like this one because the General Lee is in it! Especially the end when it’s all nice and, um, clean.

7. Does anyone else think this is inappropriate for the Disney channel?

8. We have a big city radio station that claims to play everything. I heard this one the other day and it totally sucked me in. I really don’t like country music..

9. This is a dumb song. Who sings about shoes? I like it though.

10. The last one is just too dirty to post a video. Really, it’s that bad. Now, those of you who know me know that I am a nice girl and I TOTALLY respect woman. You also know that I think sex is a sacred and special thing between two people. Having said that, I cannot explain why I like this song. It is Nine Inch Nails, Closer. You can find the video on You Tube if you want. Please just don’t think less of me.