Who does she think she is anyway?

 I am really struggling here people. Really. No joke. 

 Last night I went out with the peeps. I am standing there talking when this woman comes up to me and starts talking. The conversation went something like this;

“Excuse me. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No?” I said with a puzzled look on my face.

“Oh, well my friend over there thinks you are cute and she would like to meet you. Will you come over and meet my friend?”

It took me a few seconds to respond because I had to get my bearings. I looked around to make sure I wasn’t on the playground at elementary school, realized I was in fact in a bar holding a glass of Crown, and tried to decide how to handle this situation in a nice way. I am a nice girl people. I am not rude, I am not mean. I was totally at a loss with this one.

“Umm, sure.” I said and leaned over to my very good and very trusted friend SLM2 and said “If I’m not back in five you better come and get me the fuck outta this!”

 I go over and meet this woman. Honestly, I don’t even remember her name. I think I was in total shock and disbelief that this was actually happening. The entire conversation lasted maybe 30 seconds if that. Of course it was so uncomfortable that it felt like an hour. Now that I think about it, I would rather have stitches ripped out from under my ass skin than to have to go through something like this. Anyway, we exchange names and small talk and she says ” I really just want a girlfriend and if you’re single..”. I stopped her at that. Really? You just met me and you want me to be your girlfriend? Not to mention how incredibly desperate that sounds. MY GOD!

” I am not looking for a girlfriend. I work full time and go to school. I am very busy. Thanks though. Good luck.”

 Now thats not entirely true. I am not looking per say, but if my future wife came knocking, I would not send her away.

 I asked my peeps, now I am asking you. Why am I attracting the weirdos? Remember the bad pick up line girl from awhile ago? Now this! What is wrong with me? Now, I don’t really think something is wrong with me. Not to say I am perfect either but jeepers! 

 Any advice or encouraging words you can offer me would be very much appreciated. Oh, and happy Mothers Day!

I missed FF Friday last week so here are two more from my trip to Catilina. 

 This guy below is pretty but also a real prick.

 I was actually pretty proud of these pictures and the last FF Friday one. It was literally my first day with the new camera. I liked them so much that I have them on the wall. 

 Remember how I had some moles and stuff removed last month? Well, one of them has been bothering me, the one on my ass specifically. At first it was just itchy. I was at SLM1 and 2’s sons baseball game a few weeks ago, standing at the fence watching the game. I turned to SLM2 and just stared at her. “What’s the matter with you?” She asked. “My ass is itchy!!” I said. I promptly turned around, put my ass against the chain link fence, and tried to use it to discreetly scratch my butt. She got a good chuckle out of it.

 A few days later it started to hurt. Not really bad, it was really more annoying than anything. I tried to look myself with no luck. Not for lack of trying though. I had myself all twisted and bent over in front of the mirror. Then I went over to the Chili’s and had the her take a look. Obviously she’s not a doctor but she is a mommy, and mommy’s just know things. She said it looked ok to her.

 Last week at the outreach office, I sat in the bosses chair and as soon as I did I let out a little squeal. My co-worker, TSF, said “What the fuck is wrong with you!?” “My ass hurts.” I said. “I had hemorrhoids when I was pregnant.” She informed me. “I don’t have hemorrhoids! I have stitches!”

 Fast forward to last Friday. I tell Chili at Pumkins track meet that my butt still hurts and ask her if she will look again. She says she will when we get to the Olive Garden. I tell her I am so not dropping my pants in a public restroom! She tells me we will go in the handicap stall. I didn’t think of that, she really is smarter than me. So, we go and eat and leave without her looking at me. We both just forgot. As I was hugging the family good bye, Mr. Chili decides that since it is my birthday, he should give me a pinch to grow an inch. Wouldn’t you know he hit the exact spot on my butt that was stitched! I can’t remember exactly what I said (do you Chili?) but I said something like “Stitches. Ass. Ouch!” Mrs. Chili remembered then that she was gonna have a looksie and did I want to do that now? Um, no, I think I will just limp to my car, thank you.

 The ride home had me driving like a teenage boy. You know, leaning towards the passenger seat, wrist hanging over the steering wheel.

 Yesterday I decided I couldn’t deal anymore. After giving myself PLENTY of time to heal, I had to call the doc. They got me in first thing this morning. The nurse said that sometimes, with some people, the dissolvable stitches just don’t dissolve. Sure enough, that’s what happened to me. She had to dig them out. You would think the knots they tie under your skin (on both sides of the incision) would be small. They are not. They are about the size of a softball. And they have to be dug out with a garden spade.

 Today I am driving like a teenage boy again.

Ten songs and/or musicians I am embarrassed to admit that I like;

1. This guy is a nut job but this song is fantastic.

2. Another nut job, but a kick ass song. This video was made by a kid at a local high school.

3. This next one is from a guy I hate because it brings up childhood memories. I would rather just not go there. This song though, has been a staple at Fenway pahk. It took a while, but now when I hear it I think of the pahk. So good! So good! So good! GO SOX!

4. I’m not too old for this, am I?

5. I am quite sure my parents had no idea what I was listening to..

6. I swear to you that I only like this one because the General Lee is in it! Especially the end when it’s all nice and, um, clean.

7. Does anyone else think this is inappropriate for the Disney channel?

8. We have a big city radio station that claims to play everything. I heard this one the other day and it totally sucked me in. I really don’t like country music..

9. This is a dumb song. Who sings about shoes? I like it though.

10. The last one is just too dirty to post a video. Really, it’s that bad. Now, those of you who know me know that I am a nice girl and I TOTALLY respect woman. You also know that I think sex is a sacred and special thing between two people. Having said that, I cannot explain why I like this song. It is Nine Inch Nails, Closer. You can find the video on You Tube if you want. Please just don’t think less of me.

Recently a local gas station has been in the news. They were advertising gas at x amount of dollars but that was only for cash customers. Apparently it was difficult to figure out that if you used your card, you were paying more. Not nice. Well, they got busted and I think they may have to pay a fine. They also need to make sure the cash and credit prices are clearly displayed.

 Last week I went to the gas station up the street that I go to often. On the pump, the grades have ALWAYS been regular, mid, and premium in that order. Last week it was premium, mid, and regular. They switched it around! Good thing I was paying attention! How many people do you think weren’t though and ended up paying 20 cents more a gallon than they thought they were?

 Sure, you SHOULD pay attention, but on the other hand, the gas stations shouldn’t try to trick you like that! Aren’t the gas prices bad enough? Now they need to resort to somehow tricking us into paying more when some people can barely afford the regular price? I know, I know! Trickery has been going on for a long time. They end up sticking it to the consumer who is not well educated in consumerism or the people who don’t pay attention. It’s just that I think it’s pretty low to switch the gas prices like that. Bastids!

 They just lost my business.

photo credit

 Most people, especially women, don’t like birthdays. I happen to love them. Oprah says we should celebrate our birthdays and honor ourselves and I agree. In honor of my birthday, I thought I would share 35 things, one for every year I have been on this planet, that I have learned. 

1. This is the card I was talking about awhile ago. Chili gave it to me many years ago. It’s the “So far” part that I love. I have learned that life is a never ending process of growth. Although I try very hard to stay in the moment, I can’t help but be excited about what I will learn next.

2. It really IS easy to make a homemade cake! Chili taught me how. Before that I didn’t even know it could be done. I really thought the only way to do it is from a box.

3. The above mentioned cake tastes better when it is made by someone else, especially when it made with love.

4. Relationships are work. The ones worth keeping are GOOD work. Some relationships are hard work that yield no results. I have learned to let go of the hard ones and focus my energy on the ones that are good work. My life has been much happier since I figured that one out.

5. Family has nothing to do with blood. The Chili’s are my only blood family that I have in my life. My friends make up the rest. I would throw myself in front of a bus for a number of people in my life. It feels really good to love like that. It also feels good to be loved like that.

6. Baseball is good for my soul. I heart the Red Sox!

7. Coffee is the best drink in the entire world. It’s the one thing I don’t mind spending extra for. I still shop around for it though.

8. I have learned to ask myself, “What is your intention?”when ever I am about to do or say something that is super important. I learned this at work when I was dealing with cranky teenagers. It’s a great way to stay in the moment and not make mindless choices based on old patterns.

9. Speaking of choice, I have learned that I have a lot more choices than I thought I did. I have said it before and I will probably say it a million more times, you can’t choose what someone says or does to you, but you do get to choose how YOU react to them.

10. More on choice; I have learned that happiness is a choice. People often comment on my good attitude and my optimism. I tell them that I choose that.

11. In addition to number 10, there is no need to attach any negative emotion to “bad” stuff. It is what it is. I deal and move on.

12. I don’t believe in right or wrong, bad or good. What’s right or good for me may be wrong or bad for you. I really just like to go with different.

13. I have learned, and continue to learn, to trust myself.

14. I have learned to sit with myself and just BE.

15. I shop around and have no issues buying generic food products. Some generic things I just won’t touch. Mac and cheese from a box and tampons immediately come to mind.

16. I need at least 7 hours of sleep every night to function well.

17. I am so NOT a night person.

18. It’s ok to stand up for myself.

19. I have learned to ask for help. That was a tough one.

20. Less is more. I am a minimalist and I find an odd sense of comfort in that.

21. I also find comfort in a clean house. I used to be obsessive about having a clean house. I think because at that time, I felt like it was the only thing in my life I felt like I had total control over. Since I have learned about choice, I have come to realize that it just feels good to have a clean house.

22. I have learned to hold my tongue.

23. Not all people find my sarcasm funny. I am happy to tone it down when not doing so would upset someone I love.

24. I have learned to be patient. Bean had a lot to do with that. When she was a baby she hated me and would scream whenever I tried to hold her. I knew that in time she would warm up to me and it was more important for me to respect her feelings than to try to force her to like me. She says she loves me now. We’re cool.

25. I have learned to challenge myself. No one challenged me when I was a kid and as a result I had no idea what I was capable of. I try to challenge myself emotionally, professionally, and academically on a regular basis.

26. Loose jeans are just more comfortable. I will not be a slave to fashion.

27. Chocolate is one of the ways God lets us know we are loved.

28. Boss taught me, after me being frustrated with some of my employees antics, that it doesn’t matter how a thing gets done, as long as it gets done. Again, my way is not necessarily the right or best way.

29. I have learned to keep my mind open and to make sure I have all the facts before making a decision about something.

30. I have learned that no matter what happens, I WILL be ok.

31. I have learned that it is a hell of a lot easier to be who I am than who society thinks I should be. I tried for a while to like boys and it just sucked. I would rather be a queer kid and have some people not like me versus being a straight kid and not liking myself.

32. All people are capable of great things. I don’t care if they are in jail, a drug user, or someone somebody might consider a good for nothing. I believe in the human spirit and that all people are inartistically ”good”.

33. I have learned never to ask someone to do something that I am not willing to do myself.

34. I don’t care who you are, like it or not, you are a role model. Someone is always watching you and learning about the world and how to behave in it from you. This happens at school, work, in line at the grocery store, or wherever you might be. One small thing you do or say can have a profound impact on someone’s life. Choose carefully.

35. I have learned that I have earned my 35 years. I look forward to earning the rest of my years as well. I am so grateful for all the lessons I have learned and for all the people who have been in my life to teach me. Thanks!

 I went to the outreach office yesterday. The boss and another co-worker are away at a conference. I walk in the office and books, papers, and some miscellaneous items are strewn all over the place. My co-worker TSF is totally stressed out. I asked her what was going on. She said she was trying to get all the stuff on the new bookshelf. It was a busy day, the new bookshelf came, and she was trying to do 500 things at once. She quickly realizes that the shelves are to small for the books which sends her frustration level over the top. She drops the books on the floor, gets up, and says “I can’t fucking deal with this!” I tell her it’s ok and that I will simply adjust the shelves so everything will fit. As I get to work on it she walks out the door and say’s “Everyone should have a lesbian around.”

 I couldn’t agree more.

 Remember the drill bit that was in my tire back in January? Well, last week I noticed a slow leak and I have had to add air three times since then. Today, I went to the tire place again. The dude looked at me funny, I smiled at him. ” I think I have something in my tire again.” I said. He tilted his head a bit and had a puzzled look on his face. “I was in a few months ago, you guys pulled a drill bit out of my tire.” I added. “Oh yeah! I remember you now! It was an entire drill bit! That was something! Whatcha got this time?” He said. 

 I told him I didn’t even bother to look because, you know, this shit is getting old. But while your at it, why don’t you rotate them for me.

 Behold! A sheet metal screw! Now I have a fresh plug and they are rotated.

Some more random things;

1. I needed a new propane tank for my grill but put off buying one. Wouldn’t ya know, someone I know decided that grilling isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and gave their tank to me! Saved me 40 bucks!

2. I have been reading Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth. I am totally digging it and am realizing that I have a bit of an ego problem. Not ego in the sense that I think I am great (I know I am!), but in who I think I am and what I do to make that true. Anybody reading the book? Let’s talk about it! My boss has been a great help in the past week at helping me apply what I have learned!

3. Some of my clients have been doing some super great things in the last couple of weeks. My job is to show them the tools and teach them to use them. Their job is to do all the work. They have been and it sure is good to see.

4. I have completed most of my stuff for the super expensive college I want to go to. All I have left is the essay. No problem, I’ll have it done by the end of the day.

5. Speaking of college stuff, I finished my paper and turned it in. I sent it off to Chilli for her to rip apart. Remember, I haven’t been in school since 1991. I really just wanted to make sure it was ok. Surprisingly, she didn’t rip it apart. She said I had a few mechanical errors and she didn’t like the way I worded a couple of things. Incidentally, the wording she didn’t like didn’t sit well with me either and I changed some of it before she had a chance to tell me what she thought. I’m not entirely convinced that she wasn’t just going easy on me because it was my first paper or if it really was that good. I know it was good but I also know Chilli is pretty tough..

6. My stuff is starting to grow. Three tomatoes and three basil. Auntie Teacher asked for peppers. Auntie Teacher has grown stuff for me in the past so I am happy to return the favor! She also got arugula. Yuck! Anyway, they are poking through too!

7. I must confess, I am writing this on Monday. I know I don’t have to write it on Tuesday, but I just wanted to be up front about it. I am currently in my computer class trying not to walk out of this dreadful class learning how to send an email. It’s really not so bad. I did learn how to use tabs. Really, I had no idea how to use tabs.

8. MST, are you really checking in on my blog? While I’m calling you out, you forgot to call me when you got back from Vt… You wanna have lunch sometime this week?

9. The Sox are currently tied for first with the Rays and O’s. Baltimore has a habit of starting the season off strong and then tanking big time. The Rays are a bit of a surprise to me. They just beat us in all three games. It’s been a tough couple of weeks for the Sox. The flu has been making it’s rounds and we have a couple of injuries. The good news is Mike should be back soon. I continue to have serious concerns about Big Papi. He was walking through the club house saying “I am not frustrated!” Dude, don’t do that. Please don’t use any negative words at all. Try this; “I am a hitting machine!” He was so eager to get a hit that he slid head first into first. Nobody slides into first. He ended up bruising his knee. I fear that my statement about him coming out of his slump was a bit premature. He will eventually be ok though.

10. Can someone please explain to me why, with all the snow we had this past winter, the fire danger has been so high? We have had several brush fires recently and I just don’t get it.

 SLM2 sent this to me;

Dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

 
One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education.
He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who
decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”
He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about
teachers: “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”
 To stress his point he said to another guest;
 ”You’re a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?”
 
Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied,
 ”You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began…)
 ”Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

 I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.

 I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their
parents can’t make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental.
 
You want to know what I make?”
(She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.) 
 
”I make kids wonder.

 I make them question.

 I make them apologize and mean it.

 I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

 I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn’t everything.

 I make them read, read, read.

 I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain.
 
 I make my students from other countries learn everything they need  to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

 I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

 I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say  the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, One Nation Under God, because we live in the United States of America.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they
were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.”(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

 ”Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn’t everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant… You want to know what I make?

 I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?”

 His jaw dropped, he went silent.